3 Keys To Conquering Overwhelm
Insights on dealing with overwhelm from my experiences as Chief Joy Officer at Makers
Ever felt like you have so much to do but just don’t know where to start? Drowning in your list of ‘to dos’ but worn out before you’ve even begun whatever it is you need to do.
Or maybe you can’t stop thinking about something that’s happened or something that’s been said and are overcome with negative feelings.
This is overwhelm. In this state, you feel a lot of pressure and it can be quite difficult to deal with.
A healthy dose of pressure is good — any Maker would understandably want to ‘feel the burn’ as they work to transform themselves. Anyone in the Makers community is likely to be passionate about growth, so leaning in to the discomfort of high pressure is something we do willingly, as it helps us progress and become better.
Yet like all things, balance is key.
The Makers course is intensive and students often feel the external pressure as well as the pressure they put on themselves to succeed. Their sense of control and achievement is challenged as each week brings more than they can handle.
We purposely give them more than they could possibly absorb because we don’t want to limit their learning.
We’re not looking at whether or not the Maker completes the challenge but rather what they learn in the process. A win is when they’ve struggled and been challenged but eventually learned how to overcome that and move forward.
It can feel like a ‘fail’ for some students as the habitual urge to have ‘everything’ complete goes unfulfilled. Add this to extra worries like ‘my weekend challenge didn’t go well’ or ‘I need a break but my pair just wants to keep going’ or ‘what group am I going to be in next week?’
Plus fatigue, personal life stuff, week after week, and overwhelm sets in… this is draining and and gets in the way of learning.
Here are a few things I often find myself advising Makers on around dealing with overwhelm:
1. Boundaries
Being able to say no to others (or your own negative impulses) is essential to avoiding overwhelm. When we try to please everyone we end up exhausted.
Some examples where Makers find themselves needing to exercise boundaries:
- Saying no to socialising so that they can focus on their weekend challenge;
- Saying yes to socialising so that they can get a break from the screen and nourish themselves with fun and connection;
- Communicating with a pairing partner to manage expectations: working styles, break times etc;
- Refusing to indulge in unhelpful comparing to peers.
Boundaries are personal. You have a right to your boundaries.
There’s a difference between walls and boundaries.
Walls shut people out, are overly self-protective and fear-based, while boundaries come from a place of care and self-respect to help you be your best.
If you feel anxious or guilty about setting boundaries just remember that your relationships suffer when you’re unhappy.
To start putting this into practice, list areas and situations in your life that could do with better boundaries (hint: they usually cause you stress).
Ask yourself: what would a healthy boundary look like here?
How can I take better care of myself when this situation arises?
Once you have an answer, you can then practice it. It might be challenging at first, so be kind to yourself, but building your boundary muscle is hugely worthwhile — not just to avoid overwhelm but for your overall quality of life.
2. Prioritise
Are you trying to ‘do all the things’ and end up not doing much at all?
Without prioritisation we can easily just scurry through the day without making a proper impact on the tasks that have the most importance. This is a waste of energy and of course can lead to overwhelm.
Below is the Eisenhower Matrix. I personally find it excellent as a prioritisation and time management tool:
“If the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worse thing that is going to happen to you all day long. Your “frog” is your biggest, most important task, the one you are most likely to procrastinate on if you don’t do something about it.”
— Mark Twain
Sometimes our overwhelm is due to things aren’t on our to-do list. A Maker might worry about:
- Getting a job (and it’s only week 3!);
- How quickly a peer seems to understand concepts;
- Feeling tired from lack of sleep.
Prioritise your time and energy by focusing your precious attention on what you can control. Take 10 minutes and write down everything weighing on your mind. Don’t edit yourself: go for a total brain-dump. Once you’ve listed everything (small and big) — draw a line through the things you have no control over and focus on the things you can control.
3. Self-care
For some folks, giving extra attention to their wellbeing feels counter-productive when there are so many fires to put out. Yet when you’re in a state of overwhelm you can’t think clearly, you’re less productive and unable to perform at your best.
I recently experienced a bout of overwhelm due to life’s demands and soon realised I had to ramp up my self-care.
I maintained awareness of my state and gripped on to my daily self-care rituals knowing how easy it is to let these supporting behaviours fall to the wayside when we need them most.
I called myself out when I noticed I was slipping into feeling victimised by tiredness and too much going on, and brought out my inner Captain of the Ship.
Ship captains have to maintain calm for the sake of everyone onboard — panic serves no one. Personally, I found it useful to embrace a bit of stoicism in an age where freak outs are somewhat glamourised as we often see in reality TV.
Day after day, I observed myself, trying to make peace with ‘what was’ (emotions, thoughts, circumstances), while doing my best to think and act in a way that supported me. The challenges were still there but I started to feel better.
Did I just get used to overwhelm? Or did I change my relationship with overwhelm? I think it’s largely the latter because I started getting excited about the growth I was experiencing in spite of no sign of imminent let-up.
Overwhelm happens to us all at some point. Makers go through it all the time. There’s always going to be noise. And stuff that makes its way into your schedule or your energy field.
The breakthrough for me about overwhelm is that it’s better to get out ahead of it but if you don’t manage to do that, take extra care of yourself and become the ‘Captain of Your Ship’.
In summary
- Admit and accept the overwhelmed state. It’s normal to experience some overwhelm especially in unfamiliar or demanding situations.
- Give up trying to ‘push through’ and make your brain work without breaks — its not designed to do that.
- Get out of your head — you’re not in the right frame of mind to ‘think yourself better’.
- Take care of yourself. Whether its reaching out for support, having a cry, taking a nap, meditation, journaling, going for a walk or plain old distraction eg: funny internet cat videos — do it.
- Clarify and practice your boundaries, prioritise your tasks.
- Shift to an attitude of growth. Understand that you’re outside your comfort zone and sometimes have to push yourself if you want to grow.
“Like the seasons of the year, life changes frequently and drastically. You enjoy it or endure it as it comes and goes, as it ebbs and flows.”
— Burgess Meredith
